Supporting survivors

Caring for survivors of domestic abuse on Good Friday

Posted by Jenni James on 5 March 2025

 

On Good Friday we remember Jesus, God’s promised son, taking the punishment for our sin and dying on the cross so that we can be forgiven. Whilst Easter Sunday is full of rejoicing in the hope of resurrection, Good Friday is a day for reflection and confession; a day to acknowledge our brokenness as humans and our need for a saviour.

The gospel needs Good Friday – and so do we! But for those who have experienced domestic abuse, there’s an extra layer of complexity.

The impact of our words

A key tactic of abusers is to wear down the victim’s sense of self worth and self esteem. Many victims and survivors have been told repeatedly that they are bad, worthless, incapable or worse. And so, for survivors of faith, Good Friday can easily take them back to that place of abuse*. If we’re not careful, we run the risk of unwittingly echoing the words of an abuser, reinforcing the false narratives that victims and survivors have been led to believe about themselves and heightening the feelings of fear and shame that so many are left with. 

We don’t want to skip past Good Friday. But how can we approach it in a way that safeguards victims and survivors of abuse? 

 

“If we’re not careful, we run the risk of unwittingly echoing the words of an abuser.”

Freedom from shame

It can be easy for survivors (and for many others!) to think that God is angry, impatient or frustrated with them. This could be because of very specific things – perhaps they’ve been told that God hates divorce, or that they should be more submissive towards an abusive partner. Or, it could be a more general sense of fear and shame instilled in them by the words and actions of an abuser. 

The incredible message of Christianity is that God is a God of deep, unconditional love, who wants his people to live in freedom. The whole gospel is His plan to show us this, and Good Friday is the greatest example: “…God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”… “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” (Romans 5:8, Galatians 5:1)

 

“Jesus’s death isn’t about making us think badly of ourselves; it’s about looking to Him on the cross and seeing God’s great love for us, a people in need of a saviour.”

We can use our Good Friday services to challenge any shame that victims and survivors might feel. Jesus’s death isn’t about making us think badly of ourselves; it’s about looking to Him on the cross and seeing God’s great love for us, a people in need of a saviour. 

I wonder, when people leave our Good Friday services, is this the sense that they’re left with? Do we focus so heavily on our sin that we forget to point people back to God’s love for them? It’s right that Good Friday includes times for confession and repentance. But, the ultimate message is that we are deeply loved by God – and in that, there is no need for shame.

Valued by God

One of the lies that victims and survivors are commonly told by abusers is that they are worthless. Good Friday challenges this notion head on: God sees us as so worth saving that he was willing to die for us. We see this in other parts of scripture too. Jesus describes us as a lost coin, for which a woman searches high and low until it’s found. We’re lost sheep, cared for so much by the shepherd that he leaves the 99 to find us. We’re the lost son, and God has put his best robe on our shoulders, throwing a party because we’re home. It doesn’t matter what others might have said, or even what we believe about ourselves: God values us so much that he went to the cross to bring us back to Him. 

This Good Friday, we have the opportunity to make this aspect of the gospel message clear to the victims and survivors in our churches. Yes, we all need forgiveness – but that doesn’t mean we’re worthless. This Easter, many will need reassurance of that fact – could you help them find it? 

 

“It doesn’t matter what others might have said, or even what we believe about ourselves: God values us so much that he went to the cross to bring us back to Him.”

We don’t need to suffer in silence

Another aspect of the Good Friday story that can be used against victims and survivors is the idea that we should follow Jesus’s example of silence in suffering. This teaching can be twisted to tell those who are experiencing domestic abuse that they shouldn’t seek help, or even that it is God’s plan for them to be abused. 

It’s vital that we challenge this head on, and make sure that anyone who needs help feels able to speak up and find support. If your Good Friday events include any discussion of following in Jesus’s suffering, perhaps you could reframe this to explore how Jesus can identify with those who feel lost or abandoned by God. You can use this as an opportunity to encourage those who need support to reach out. 

Practical ideas

Here are some practical things you could do to care for survivors during your Good Friday events:

It doesn’t need to take much, but Good Friday can be an opportunity to reassure survivors of how loved and valued they are by God – and that can be life changing.

If you’d like to chat more about your church can become a safer space for survivors of domestic abuse, we’d love to chat – you can get in touch here.

*The impact of trauma on those who experienced abuse leads many survivors to remain on subconscious emotional ‘high alert’, meaning that even small reminders or connections to the abuse they faced can quickly bring about a trauma response. For a more in depth exploration of this, check out our previous blog on pattern matching and domestic abuse.

The Church Guide

Find out more about how your Church can support survivors of domestic abuse by downloading our Church Guide.

The Church Guide