Flourishing not falling on Valentine’s Day
Posted by Jenni James on 10 February 2025
It seems like the Christmas decorations have barely come down when shops and restaurants are full of pink balloons, red roses and boxes of chocolates. For some, this can be a minor irritation that prompts mutterings about commercialisation and extortionate markups. But for survivors of domestic abuse, Valentine’s Day can feel very isolating and triggering. The reality of our singleness is felt more acutely. We are reminded of experiences of love bombing, of gifts given and declarations of love that were actually given to manipulate us, to fool us into thinking ‘it’s not too bad’, ‘I’ll give him another chance’, ‘maybe he’s changing’
Valentine’s Day has the potential to make us fall into despair. But I want to offer you three F’s to remember this February 14th to help you flourish, not fall.
Friendships
‘A friend loves at all times’ (Proverbs 17:17)
Our culture has started to kick back against the idea that Valentine’s Day should only celebrate romantic love. You’ll see cards popping up wishing a ‘Happy Galentine’s day’, as a way for women to express their love for their friends.
Perhaps sending a ‘Galentine’s’ card might not be your style. But spending time with friends you love can help you to feel a bit less isolated. Why not get together and do something you enjoy – have dinner, go for a winter walk, watch a movie, have a spa day – at home or away!
Freedom
‘The truth will set you free’ (John 8:32)
When the Wicked film came out just before Christmas, I saw it twice at the cinema. I’m a big fan and I particularly love watching the growth in Elphaba’s confidence and resilience. In her song ‘Defying Gravity’, she sings ‘if I’m flying solo, at least I’m flying free’, and it’s a line that really resonated with me when I first separated from my husband. I didn’t want to be single – I had got married and I had wanted a happy family life. But at least, finally, I was free. Better to be single and free than married and trapped.
Jesus’ truth sets us free to enjoy life the way God intended, including all the good gifts He has given us. When we are free from an abuser, we can start to work out what we like, what our preferences are, what we enjoy. This Valentine’s Day, we can choose what we want to do and we can experience God’s love for us through the gifts He has given, whether that’s a hot chocolate and a nice book, a long bath or time to pursue a hobby we value.
Faith
‘I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.’ (Galatians 2:20)
One of the devastating impacts of abuse within Christian marriages is that survivors can end up doubting God’s love for them. If that’s your experience, we grieve with you and speak truth to you now – oh daughter of God, you are deeply loved. Take the time this Valentine’s Day to soak yourself in that truth. Pick a favourite Psalm, listen to some favourite worship music. Let God’s word dwell in you richly and gradually help your heart to believe that you are a treasured child of God, loved beyond measure.
Perhaps you might benefit from someone walking with you as you rediscover God’s love for you. You might find these short meditations on God’s love helpful ways to connect with your heavenly Father. Or perhaps you’d enjoy this book which offers a deeper exploration into the very heart of our Saviour. You could gift yourself this Valentine’s day with a deeper faith in the love of God for you!
The Survivors Network
Restored hosts an online network for female Christian survivors of domestic abuse. Network members receive regular blogs on faith and recovery (just like this one!), plus the chance to join peer support groups and recovery courses. Sign up to join today.
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