Men and boys need role models – the Church can step up
Posted by Jenni James on 24 March 2025
Netflix drama Adolescence has cast the spotlight once again on the damaging influence of extreme influencers and other challenges faced by young men. How can the Church step up and help provide a solution?
Last week the spotlight turned once again to the challenges faced by young men and boys. Netflix miniseries Adolescence explores ‘incel’ culture through the story of a 13-year-old boy arrested for the murder of a young girl; the Prime Minister has backed a campaign for the drama to be shown in schools. Meanwhile, former England football manager Gareth Southgate has spoken about the need for better role models for young men, describing the damaging influence of ‘toxic’ online personalities.
At Restored, we often talk about the epidemic of violence against women and girls. We speak up on behalf of survivors, amplifying their voices and working to ensure they can find the support they need to recover. But that’s only half the battle – to really change the story for women, we need to work on prevention too.
‘The Lost Boys’
The Lost Boys report referenced by Gareth Southgate paints a worrying picture: isolation and loneliness, limited opportunities and a lack of positive male role models. Much could be discussed about the reasons for these issues and whether or not they are new or increasing in severity; what’s clear is that many men and boys are feeling them as gaps in their lives. Gaps that are too easily filled by pornography and social media, where algorithms are likely to push increasingly violent and misogynistic content.
The result is a society in which men feel let down and where women and girls are unsafe. As extreme content glamorises misogyny and sexual violence to a new generation of boys, women and girls will pay the price.
“As extreme content glamorises misogyny and sexual violence to a new generation of boys, women and girls will pay the price.”
The Church can fill the gap
We believe that the Church has a vital role to play in changing this story. Across the UK, churches exist as ready-made, intergenerational communities where young people can find role models beyond their immediate family and online spaces. The Lost Boys report suggests that many boys are missing any positive model of masculinity, and Adolescence shows the damage that can be done when young men are drawn in by extreme online influencers. Could you encourage the men in your church to consider how they could fill the gap instead? Are there any boys on the fringes of your youth or children’s work who would benefit from a trusted adult walking alongside them?
Change starts with looking inwards
Of course, church communities aren’t perfect. Cultural change begins with self-reflection, recognising where our own habits and ways of thinking need to shift. To be effective role models, we must first make sure we aren’t tolerating harmful attitudes within our own relationships and church communities.
This includes talking openly about the realities of gender inequality and being clear in our teaching about God’s intention for healthy relationships between men and women. When domestic abuse situations arise in our churches, our response must be safe and effective, sending a strong message that misogyny and abuse won’t be tolerated (check out our resources for churches to explore this further).
“To be effective role models, we must first make sure we aren’t tolerating harmful attitudes within our own communities.”
Jesus: the ultimate model of masculinity
Beyond this, we know that as Christians, we have the ultimate role model in Jesus. A man who used his strength to lift others up, treating those around him – women included – with dignity and respect. In contrast to the online influencers encouraging young men to seek power and status at the expense of those around them, Jesus offers a better way, walking confidently in faith and humility. It’s this example that we can hold out to the world around us.
Working together, not in competition
The causes of violence against women and girls are complex and systemic. Often, work to address the challenges faced by men is seen as a competing issue – but the truth is that they can go hand in hand. We must ensure that work with men never comes at the expense of creating safe environments for women and girls who have experienced abuse. But, when it comes to modelling healthy ideas about what it means to be a man, church communities can – and should – lead the way.
Join our parenting webinar
We’re hosting a webinar on the 22nd April to help parents prepare to raise teenagers in a culture that has normalised violence against women and girls. We’ll give advice on how to talk to your children about these issues in age appropriate ways and equip them to deal with the challenges they might face in their teenage years.