The Friend
The Freedom Program was devised and written by Pat Craven, who worked as a Probation Officer to help survivors of domestic abuse understand and process their experiences. Her book Living With The Dominator is available in various places. The Dominator was inspired by the Duluth Domestic Violence Intervention Project in Minnesota. Pat Craven describes the abuser as one person who changes into other characters to use different kinds of controlling behaviour. She also described what the ‘Friend’ looks like in opposition to the Dominator.
The Friend
The Friend
Talks to you, not at you and is interested in what you have to say. They listens to you and care what you think about things. They have a sense of humour and are generally cheerful.
The Lover
Shows you physical affection without assuming it will lead to sex. They don’t argue if you’re not feeling like sex and accept your right to say no. They share responsibility for contraception and sexual health.
The Partner
Does their share of the housework and doesn’t assume it’s all your job. They share financial responsibility and talks without you about how you will manage the household and finances together. They treat you like an equal.
The Liberator
They welcome the people you care about; your friends and family. They don’t feel threatened by you having other interests and encourage you to pursue the activities you love. Encourage you to develop your skills at work or at college.
The Good Parent
They share responsibility with you for parenting decisions, and discuss and agree appropriate parenting boundaries with you. They support your dealings with the children.
The Truthteller
The Truthteller can accept responsibility when they do something wrong and will admit to and apologise for mistakes.
The Negotiator
The Negotiator takes responsibility for their own well-being and happiness, it is not your job to keep them happy.
The Confidence Booster
This person is your biggest cheerleader. They compliment your appearance, your achievements and they value your opinions. They’re not afraid to do this in public so other people think well of you. They want to see you flourish and encourage you to achieve your ambitions.
Support for survivors
If you’re a survivor of domestic abuse, we’re here to support you. Through resources like our Survivor’s Handbook, and our online community of female Christian survivors of domestic abuse, we’ll walk with you on your journey to recovery.